Author: No_baby_lady

October 2019

We were a year into our marriage and traveling through Asia without a care in the world of a baby. I thought at one point during our trip “this time next year our world will be so different”. Fast forward 12 months and here I am, wondering if I’ll ever even “make” an embryo. I knew then I had been off birth control for 4 months and I still hadn’t had a period. A baby was still so far from my thought process.

February 2020 and a Fertility Specialist

Finally 3 periods had come and gone. One for November, December, January and…nothing. Was I pregnant? Nope. My OB advised me to start talking to a reproductive endocrinologist, so I made my appointment for May. That was the earliest appointment I could get! I began calling weekly to see if anything had opened up and miraculously I got a new patient appointment for March. That same week things started shutting down for covid, but not before I got a slew of diagnostic tests done. On top of my endometriosis that I had been diagnosed with 12 years prior, I was newly diagnosed with PCOS and my husband now had issues with the shape of his sperm. In a 7 day period we went from wondering if I was going to have a period to wondering if we’d ever have children.

April 2020 and Covid

As a nurse, I tried to look at things scientifically. It didn’t seem possible that some far away virus could become anything significant. And yet in a matter of 3 weeks I went from wondering if I would have a period to wondering if I would survive to July. I volunteered to work in the covid ICU from the normal surgical job I typically did. It was controlled chaos. I was buddied up with another nurse (sometimes without ICU experience) and we would take care of 4 patients together, gowned up in an n95 and space suit helmet. We were suddenly required to work 48 hour weeks and it was just short of terrifying. All of our patients on ventilators, the few who weren’t, begging to be intubated and put out of their suffocating misery. At one point we were even short on sedation, walking into awake ventilated patients was such a stressful and heartbreaking ordeal. By May things began to die down and I resumed my regular nursing duties. But I was still stressed, nightmares of patients faces haunted me. I had ptsd that lasted through June, but that didn’t stop me from being first in line when my fertility clinic reopened.

IUI

May we started with letrozole and a trigger shot, which led us astray. June we tried a hybrid of menopur, letrazole, and a trigger shot. I was so hopeful in June. My progesterone spiked after ovulation for the first time and it seemed like the stars were aligning. Except my beta HCG was negative. So we tried again, July can around and we made another attempt at IUI and it seemed promising as well. Still not pregnant. At this point I was tired, tired of the pandemic, tired of not seeing friends, tired of not being pregnant, tired of my friends doing whatever they wanted and having no consequences. People were out living their lives in spite of the potential outcomes and I was following the rules and still not getting pregnant. We decided august would be a month of break. And I scheduled my appointment to find out next steps for IVF.

IVF

August 18th was my “wtf” appointment with the specialist. She felt confident that we would be great candidates for IVF. “After 3 embryo transfers there’s a 90% chance you will be pregnant”. That means we could possibly be pregnant by the end of the year. I remember being so excited, so hopeful. My husband and I were sold, we bought a three retrieval package and started down the road of in vitro. 38 shots, 11 blood draws and ultrasounds later we would undergo my first egg retrieval. It was basically painless, no worse than the periods I already experienced, in fact even less. They got 15 eggs! The next morning I got the call that of the 15 eggs 12 were mature and all 12 had fertilized (with ISCI of course). The wait was on, it would be 5 days before I would find out how many became embryos, I was not stressed, just excited! Until they called and told me 9 of the eggs did not progress past day 3 and the remaining 2/3 weren’t showing promise. Gutted I felt like it was all over, it was the universe’s way of telling me I would never have a child. My husband tried to talk me down but my mind was made up, I gave up. Low and behold one low grade embryo made it to day 6 and was sent off for genetic testing. I already knew it was a wash but it took 2.5 weeks for them to call and confirm that to me. We had spent 34,000 dollars in the last month only to have nothing left to show for it.

Moving on

I think the hardest part thus far is moving on from the unpredictable, no one could have told us these would be our outcomes, and yet they are. We are gearing up for a second retrieval in December, but our hearts are guarded. I will continue to post as we continue on this unique journey.

Cooking can sometimes feel like a chore at the end of a busy day. It’s often tempting to throw a ready meal in the oven or call for take out. But preparing a simple and healthy family meal doesn’t have to be hard or time-consuming. Here are some quick wholesome dishes that you and your family will love. They can even be prepared in advance.

I know, what could be better that a steaming plate of fries, gravy and cheese curd? Fries, gravy, cheese curd and bacon, that’s what! Throw in some fresh shallots, chilli, and a splash of roasted bone marrow and duck gravy, and we turn this popular French-Canadian dish into a something sublime.

During the week we’re often walking out the door with a coffee in one hand and slice of toast in the other, but on weekends breakfast is never rushed. It’s a late affair, sometimes spilling over to lunch, with lots of reading and chatter in between courses of fruits, poached eggs, honey and toast. One of our favorite things we like to serve when friends are visiting are buckwheat blueberry pancakes.

There’s nothing better than a warm bowl of pumpkin soup on a cold autumn day. Combine your roasted pumpkin with some onion, garlic, vegetable broth, and a few spices, and give it some time to simmer away. Pair it with a few slices of fresh bread to turn it into something sublime.